Have you ever seen the movie, "Throw Momma From The Train?" In that movie, Billy Crystal is trying to find an illusive beginning to his great novel. I am plagued by similar irritants as I piece together meaning for my life.

For the last few months I have been selling. Telemarketing from a home office should the absolute truth need to be told. I call leads that were either bought or purchased. Some are happy to hear from me and would like to hear what I have to offer. Others are indifferent, obviously a bad day for them or not enough desire for a change in their lives. And finally, the ones that bring great comfort and joy to my little family. Buyers. They want it. They need it. They have to have it. And I am their source.

And then there is my family. Emily, wife of seven years (in a row no less), and two perpetually entertaining and delightful miniatures we call Olivia Mae and Stewart McDougal. Five and Three; although Stewart will pose for two on the off chance that some unsuspecting ticket checker will not charge him, due to his petite-ness in stature, not intellect. Olivia always protests this shame of telling untruth, but Dad is cheap - so its best to keep the children seperated from any price negotiation based solely on age.

So there you have it. In two hundred something words, you have the simplest description of my current life. What I do for a living and for whom I am doing it for. But it hasn't always been this clear cut. For much of my time on earth I have been defined by other standards, whether by self or expectations of others.

You see, it's only been recently that this has dawned on me. And a rather harsh dawning I might add.

I do sales. But that is not who I am.

I have a family. But that also, is not who I am.

Something is out of whack. And unbeknownst to me, it's been that way for quite some time.

If it's okay with you, I'd like to take us on a journey. I think it would be better to tell you the stories rather than the lessons, although they are both good teachers. This could be therapeutic, educational or perhaps informative or even entertaining for some people. But mostly, I'm writing for you. The person who thought there should be more done with your life. The person who had expectations for greatness placed upon them, either from others or self-imposed. In either case, we can learn from each other.

None of us should ever be seen as standard. None of us were meant to be poster children for the others, or idols for public consumption. We are all wonderful individuals with exceptional gifts and courses of purposes.

Crafted to do good things in ways that only we are able to accomplish.

I -- just like you -- am looking for something to define me. Trying to pin some sort of external catalyst that will easily take my existence and characterize it for all the world to see. We would all like to believe, that in the end, others would look back upon our lives in a positive light rather than negative.

My guess is that the "collective we" are still searching. Trying to epitomize our existence with something other than ourselves.

But who we are and what we do should never define us. It's only a temporary label in which to attribute some sort of meaning to why we are here.

We'll talk soon....